I Love my Target Pharmacist

So there are many things one comes to realize while going through infertility treatment - for me, one is that I love my Target pharmacist. We've been using the same pharmacy for more than two years, and though initially I didn't realize just how great my pharmacist is - I definitely do now. So what makes him so special you might ask. He cares. Many times we feel like we are going at this alone, even with seeing the doctors and nurses and talking to friends - those relationships are so tied up with other issues/committments that it doesn't always come across as the support that we sometimes crave. But our pharmacist, he has nothing to gain, yet he is sensitive and caring to what we are going through. He wishes us luck when we pick-up our next cycle of medication and most recently is holding our medication for us in the hope we are able to start another cycle - no questions, just sensitivity and support. It's a weird place to find comfort, but after hearing bad news from your doctor or the excitement of being able to try it's nice to know there is a friendly, caring guy thinking about not just my medicine, but us.

Ultimatum to G-D

So apparently I was supposed to fast today - the Shelah Hakodesh, a 16th century Kabbalist wrote a prayer for parents to say for/on behalf of their children. Well, today, on the eve of the month of Sivan is the ideal time to say the prayer. Why you might ask? In under a week us Jews will celebrate the anniversary of the giving of the Torah - at this point the Jews where likened to G-d's children, G-d playing both the role of mother and father at various times. As we begin this month and recognize our own birth as a people it a chance for us to ask for that role or to thank G-d for the children he has already given us. So one line in the prayer stood out - "My eyes dependently look toward you until you will be gracious to me and hear my please and grant me sons and daughters." So there is the ultimatum G-d - you are going to have to put up with me until we have more than a two person family. Therefore, if you don't want to listen to me complaining, pleading, with my eyes on you - you know what to do.

Pineaple Candies - The newest miracle drug

Newsflash! Have you heard? The latest infertility medical drug has just been released - and you'd never guess what it is - pineapple candies! So, you are probably wondering what medical journal I found this in and what pharmacy is willing to fill a prescription for this miracle drug. It's from the Israeli Journal of Segulas - never heard of it? - let me tell you all about it. We Jews like omens and symbols. We'll drink the wine after a bride and groom in hope of finding our own mate, we'll change someone's name if they get sick to include words meaning life and healing and we eat pineapple candies. We recently "came out" and have been open about the struggle with infertility we are going through. So my mom told one of her good friends who also dealt with infertility many years ago and remained active in the advocacy area. The story is there is a grocery store in Israel that apparently has a chair inside of it and anyone who has sat in the chair has merited to have a child. The problem is we are in Maryland and the chair is in Israel. The solution - buy pineapple candies from the store and they substitute for sitting in the chair. So my mom's friend sent me 12 pineapple candies - not a bad dosage. The tough question now is - when to eat them?

Who keeps putting bricks on the wall

So we have the saying we feel like we are up against a wall - well somehow our wall keeps on growing taller. Everytime we think we might be on the right track, working towards starting our family, someone lays another brick. We've faced a myriad of problems with the insurance, canceled cycles, incompatible medicines (got to love that - one works great and the other just prevents anything good from happening), delayed trains that make you completely miss your appointment (by almost 2 hours), timing that just doesn't work because of Shabbat or Yom Tov, the outrageous cost of medications, the emotional battle and so much more, but I think we get the idea. And the latest - we decide that no matter what the cost we are going to try at least once more before going to Israel for the year, knowing crazily that if it works we are on our own - but now that can't happen because another cycle got canceled, and maybe not just this one, but our chances for trying for the next couple of months - residual affects of the last medication have screwed with the body. So the wall keeps getting higher and we are stuck on the wrong side without a ladder or a sledgehammer or anything to take the wall down and we don't know how to find our way over. Some will say prayer and mizvot are the answers and maybe they are helping, maybe it is slowing the rate of the builders of the wall - but the wall is still there and we're still stuck on the wroong side.