Struggle of the Torah almost Woman

Another Poem written by Chana Yehudis Zahav (c) 2009
Written 6/6/2005

I have a growing hidden pain,
In the place where an embryo should be.
I have a yearning deep inside
That longs to be set free.

Free from longing and loneliness,
Free from looks and stares,
Free from other peoples crying babies,
And free from my own despair.

I have a growing hidden love,
For a child that is not yet conceived.
And though I know there is always hope,
Why is it so hard, just about this, to believe?

I have a growing hidden guilt
That this is in every way my fault.
For if this is what Hashem wants of us,
What does that say about my worth?

I have a firm belief that G-d
is doing this for the best of us all.
And so when all is said and done,
I have become a living, breathing, prayer.